I got dumped: A Guide to Accepting Rejection
Illustration by Satyaki Chakrabarti
I have applied to many grants and development programmes. I have been rejected from every single one of them.
Whether it's a relationship, a job application, or an audition, rejection is hard—especially when it feels like you're being judged on a piece of who you are. Your self-esteem is slowly chipped away until you reach a point of defeat and despair.
But this blog is not a pity party. We don’t have time for that.
Clearly, from my track record, I am in no position to give guidance on how to successfully write an application. However, I can share how I cope with rejection.
Step 1: Fix that attitude
We’re all too familiar with that dreadful email:
"Thank you for your interest in the program. The standard of applicants was high, and we are sorry to inform you that we are not moving forward with your application."
Those daunting 3 words- “we are sorry” is all we really need to kickstart the negative spiral. As a Mental Health Practitioner, I use cognitive behavioural therapy to catch myself when I start to feel low.
I acknowledge the two factors that I could control: my behaviour and my thoughts. Negative automatic thoughts like “Why do I never get in?” and “I knew I wasn’t going to get in” affects my emotions which contributes to my behaviour such staying in bed ruminating and eating high sugar food which might give me short term satisfaction but does not support my physical and mental wellbeing on the long term.
As artists, we can be our own enemy.
Our thoughts are constantly battling us on how we’re not good enough. But do we have evidence to contradict that thought?
Have you trained in your artform regularly? Have you taken up opportunities which develops your creative practice? Have you been proactive to enrich yourself in your art such as watching videos and having discussions with like-minded people?
Step 2: Reflection on the Learning
Recently, my best friend was selected for an audition for an artist development programme. I was gutted that I didn’t get in.
Maybe I would have been in her position if I had applied.
Learning A: If you don’t apply, you have decreased your chance of success to 0%.
I then became envious that she had gotten an audition for a programme that I TOLD HER about. Keeping this programme a secret would have eliminated my competition.
But why do dancers instantly view other artists as an opponent rather than an inspiration?
Learning B: Don’t try to beat an artist. Draw inspiration from talent and use it as a tool to grow in your art.
We then went for lunch.
Seeing her—one of the best dancers I know—talk about feeling inadequate alongside other artists made me realize that no matter how good we are, we often feel like we’re not good enough.
She described the warm-up, which sounded more like a military training session, and shared the intricacies within the repertoire that was taught. We explored the unique interpretation of a musical piece and how to cleverly incorporate improvisation which is rarely attempted in Barathanatyam.
Learning C: Artistic stimulation through discussion is vital to deepen connections and broaden your understanding of your artform.
Step 3: Apply Again
If you were applying for a job, would you just give up if you kept getting rejected?
If you live in the UK, with the current cost of living, you will keep applying. Likewise, if you genuinely want opportunities, you need to continue applying. Make your artform a necessity, rather than a lifestyle choice. Unless you want to keep your artform as a hobby, you need to start prioritising. For example, if you spend 40 hours per week doing your full-time job, working an hour or two per week training will not suffice to professionally develop in your artform. This does not mean spending 40 hours on your artform per week but rather dedicating time daily for growth.
For a dancer, the ideal would be consistent, rigorous daily practice. But for those of us balancing full-time jobs, practice may take on different forms. Here’s how you could incorporate an hour of practice into your weekly routine:
While I’m not yet at the point where I’m engaging with my art form for an hour a day, my goal is to incorporate the following each week:
Adavu practice to focus on technique
Strength and flexibility training
Stamina building
Choreographic exploration
How are you going to incorporate your art into your daily life?
Subscribe to my newsletter to get updates on my monthly blogs, as well as opportunities for collaborations and performances.
